Do you really see me?

When my father looks at me, does he see ME or does he see the idealised version of me? If I am a girl, does he see the perfect female, a merging of the perfect elements of the feminine, his fantasy of the pure, a soul connection to the divine feminine. Does he fulfill the missing love from his own mother and wife through his love for me. If I am a boy, does he see the unfulfilled masculine in him, the dreams and hopes that he could never bring into reality. Does he see the unfulfilled love of his father, brothers, and other male role models that he could never express or receive.

When my mother looks at me, does she see the limitations of her own life and want to express their fulfillment through me. Am I her opportunity to be more than she is, for her to be the parent of someone of value, admired, successful. Am I her claim to self-worth because she gave birth to me. If I am a girl does she see the beauty, grace and accomplishments that she never achieved. Does she live her alternate realities vicariously through me. If I am a boy, does she see the man that her father, brothers and husband never were, the idealised version of manhood. Does she look to me for protection and closeness that were not found in her father or husband.

When my wife looks at me does she see the perfect man, an improved version of her father, or an alternative to a disappointing father. Does she see all of her fantasies rolled into one, the knight in shining armour, the dangerous rebel, the successful entrepreneur. Does she see a person that completes her, that is her best friend and exotic lover all in one.

When my husband looks at me does he see the goddess, the temptress, the innocent and the nurturer. Am I his carer, his best friend, lover and mentor. Am I the best of his mother and the things that she could not give him. Am I the perfect woman that every man will envy him for having captured my love. Is he more, because I love him. Has he found his masculinity through my love and fathering our children.

If I am famous or wealthy, do you see me or do you see the fame, the money, the lifestyle you dream about. Do you see the person underneath or even care about that person, or is it a fantasy being played out in a reality story. Do you see all the things you want, but could not achieve by yourself. Do you see the opportunities that you will never have. Do you see the results of hard work that you are not prepared to do. If you admire me, do you see the person you are too lazy or selfish to become. Do you only see the things you want to see, and not the rest of me.

When you look at me do you see my flaws, my weaknesses, my bad days, my embarrassing moments, my guilt and shame. Do you see the imperfections and the inadequacies. When you look at me do you see my vulnerabilities, and my fears. Or do you just see the potential to create something to fulfill your desires. Do you see me as clay to be shaped and moulded into what you want.

Am I a person separate to you with my own story, my own path, my own dreams and desires, or am I an extension of you. Do you judge and criticise me when I do not fulfill the idealised version of your dream. Do you discard me when a better fantasy comes along. Or do you see in me everything you despise about yourself reflected back and hate me for it. Do you see your own inadequacies, your dark side, your failings highlighted and blame me for this. Do you see your unfulfilled dreams and your perfect life being lost because I am not that. Am I your opportunity lost.

Do you really see me as a separate person, a separate soul, with my own characteristics, purpose and story. Do you see me as unique and enjoy the diversity that brings to your life. Or do you see me as a reflection of your desires, needs and aspirations. Do you see me as something that was placed on this earth for your own use and abuse as you see fit.

Do you see me as a reflection of your own self-loathing, your distorted beliefs and conditioning. Do you see me as someone that must fit into your criteria or I am faulty. Do you see me as someone that must conform with your expectations or I am a failure. Do you see me in the box with you or living outside of the box.

When you look at me do you see freedom. Do you see authenticity. Do you see love. Do you see perfect imperfection. Do you see a creation of the divine that is here for a purpose, and that purpose is not to fulfill you. Do you see that I am here to play a part in your story, but not be your story. That I have my own story and you are a part of that, but not the centre of it. Do you see that we come from the same source, but are not the same. That we share a journey, but it is different for each one of us. That we have different perspectives, desires and needs on that journey. That we are fellow travelers, but your experience will be different to mine. That we will support each other, have conflict, love and hate at times, but that we are unique, walking in parallel not in each others footsteps.

Do you see me as a label, category, classification, role, unmet need of yours, or do you see me as “I am”. I am many things to many people, but they are only clothes that I wear. I am me, unique, authentic, free, and living a life that I chose for a purpose. That purpose is mine. I love you, but I love me first, just like I hope you will love yourself first. I will support you when I can, but that is not my priority. I will love you and if our dreams and aspirations overlap, then I will enjoy sharing them with you. But I will not sacrifice myself to be what you want me to be. And in return, I place no expectations on you.

This is my life, and I will determine how I spend it and who I want to be. Do you see me now?